Health care horoscope

Did you know that people who consume 50 milligrams of cornpone each day are 32 percent less likely to suffer from rickets, gangrene or curvature of the liver? No? That’s because it can be hard to separate fact from myth in modern medicine. Should you take one aspirin a day to ward...

Hulk denies steroid cha...

Noted superhero The Incredible Hulk reportedly has been named in a federal affidavit detailing alleged steroid use. Mr. Hulk has repeatedly denied using illegal substances. His physician, Dr. Bruce Banner, attributes his overdeveloped physique to a “laboratory accident”...

Let phony horoscope gui...

Newspaper and online horoscopes are silly, right? The savvy reader knows they’re just pithy snippets of random advice whose actual relevance to our lives is either purely coincidental or completely nonexistent. But they can be fun if not taken too seriously. In that spirit, the...

E*Trade baby jailed for...

Federal agents raided the nursery of the adorably annoying E*Trade baby today, seizing a Winnie the Pooh laptop and two drool-covered iPads from his crib while arresting him on charges of insider trading. – John Breneman Tweet...

Speed Racer nabbed spee...

Speed Racer was arrested today on Route 66 near Amarillo, Texas, for traveling 270 mph in a 25 mph zone. The animated racing hero was cited for speeding, aggravated speeding and speeding with intent to speed. – John Breneman...

Worst advice columnist ...

I probably should have mentioned this earlier but, yes, in addition to my mad skills as a highly paid, semi-professional op-ed pundit, I am also (seek counseling) a certified advice columnist. However, due to my late start in this time-honored profession, I am quite possibly one of the...

Feb. 19: Copernicus

  Nicolaus Copernicus (1473-1543): Polish astronomer, theorized that the sun was at the center of the solar system, somewhere near Cleveland. Other Feb. 19 birthdays: Smokey Robinson, 75: singer, Motown hits include his horrifying saga of a murderous circus performer, “Fears of a...

Feb. 18: Yoko Ono

  Yoko Ono, 82: singer, best known for her songs “I Am the Banshee” and “Twist and Screech.” Other Feb. 18 birthdays: John Travolta, 61: actor, received Oscar nominations for his role as the charismatic Theodore Cleaver in “Saturday Night Beaver.” Matt Dillon, 51: actor,...